Thursday, January 26, 2012

Best Cover 2011 from Loves Romance Cafe

I am so stunned that it took me all day to write this blog post. I am so thrilled and honored to have this award. I used Lee Brazil's suggestions on what should be on the cover, so this is most definitely a shared award.

Thank you so much!

In case you are wondering which cover got such an awesome award, it was Loving Jacob. :)

Friday, January 20, 2012

Poesy Rings and the 2012 KMM Fever Calendar

The Forbidden Game, by LJ Smith is probably my most favorite book (well...books. It is trilogy that has twice been made available in one volume) of all time.  It was the book that first made me really love to read. The first time I was moved to tears reading and really cared for certain characters. Before reading this book in the 11th grade, I read mostly books along the lines of the Fear Street series by RL Stine, and his Goosebumps series before that, during my younger years. I love horror. But LJ Smith, she was more of a precursor to paranormal romance. It was also my first taste of Norse influence and thus my love of Norse mythology and Nordic men began.

And Julian. OMG Julian. He's the villain of the books, part of the love triangle, and maybe about 5% of the people I have spoke to who have read this series ever rooted for the other guy (Tom). He's physically perfect, "heartbreakingly beautiful," despite of his flaws: arrogant, mood swings, and that pesky fact that he is the youngest in a race of Shadow Men...beings trapped in a world of ice and shadows, never to be part of our own, that feed on the life forces of those unfortunate enough to get caught by them. Nevertheless, Julian sees Jenny and is instantly obsessed with her because she is everything that he isn't. He seeks to make her his queen in a *between* worlds house he built to protect her from his race. One of his methods of securing her to him is a 17th century poesy ring with the inscrioption "All I refuse & thee I chuse" on the inside of it. It was traditionally a gift from a lover, sometimes used as an engagement or wedding band. It was believed that having the words touching one's skin gave them a sort of power.

I found a poesy ring with this inscription on it. I almost pass out when I saw that the yellow or white gold ones were over $800. But they I saw it was less than $100 for a sterling silver ring and I bought it. I am just going to pretend Julian gave it to me. *squee*

Also, I finally completed the 2012 Fever Calendar for fans of the series by Karen Marie Moning. My second favorite series of all time. Because of work smothering me the past 2-3 months, I had to condense the calender down to 6 wallpapers rather than 12. In celebration to the first Dani O'Malley book being released in October I made sure she was on the calendar page for that month. These wallpapers are also up on Karen's website under the Media section for wallpapers. They are at the bottom of that page.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Things have been insane!

Sorry for the lack of updates, to those few who actually check my blog often. ;)

I updated my cover art page for last month and this month's covers. I knocked all my November covers out early since I had a few days off. I may have one more to do this month, but the form hasn't made it back to me from the author yet.

Nothing major going on to talk about. Hopefully I can get it together and blog more often. :)
Friday, October 14, 2011

Fare thee well, The Secret Circle, you just lost a viewer.

About ten years ago I was a Junior in high school. I came upon L.J. Smith’s The Vampire Diaries in a Books A Million store and bought all four novels with lunch money I had saved up by not buying lunch and not having an allowance or a job.  I read them within a week, and hunted down every other book Ms. Smith had written. I had to special order The Secret Circle because the store didn’t carry them anymore. But I remember I read the whole trilogy one weekend. I loved to hate Faye, I laughed out loud at the antics of the Henderson twins, and I developed a crush on one Nick Armstrong. The Outsider, the underdog compared to “perfect” Adam (whom I find incredibly boring), and the bad boy who secretly has a heart of gold.

When the CW announced that The Secret Circle would be airing in the fall, on the same night as The Vampire Diaries, I felt a thrilling dose of nostalgia. I am thinking to myself, “what year is this again? I’m not seventeen anymore…but two of the book series that I loved from back then are being adapted and on back to back?!” I knew it wouldn’t follow the books exactly, as The Vampire Diaries doesn’t. And The Vampire Diaries is one of the very rare occasions where the changes help rather than hinder the story/adaption and it becomes more enjoyable. Even though I was very dissatisfied that the Henderson twins and most of the original coven of The Secret Circle (seven girls, five boys) didn’t make the final cut, and completely underwhelmed that out of all the characters taken away a new one was added in, I was willing to hold my tongue and reserve judgment until I saw the show, because I complained about the changed to The Vampire Diaries and I actually like what they have done there (for the most part).

Well, it has been, what? Five episodes now? While some changes I don’t mind, some of the changes leave me a little taken aback. I mean, it is easy to see why the New Salem/Original Salem roots storyline isn’t involved as The Vampire Diaries used Salem witches as THEIR witch back story (despite the fact that Bonnie was descended of Celtic Druids, but whatever), and I am still hoping that Black John will make an appearance sometime before I die or at least get a mention, as the first Klaus name dropping in season 2 of The Vampire Diaries was a wonderful fan moment. But I really do not know if I can bring myself to continue watching The Secret Circle due to the early and uncalled for death of Nick Armstrong.

I don’t care if the “show” storyline benefits from it. I don’t care if he’s not as important as Cassie or Adam or even Faye, because, let’s face it…those are the main characters. Diana is more expendable than those three, especially since she is not quite like her book counterpart. But in my honest opinion, the only important characters were the five that made the cut, minus Melissa who I could give a rat’s ass about due to the fact that she wasn’t in the books, serves no real purpose in the show thus far other than to send a demon into Nick and get him killed because of it. That doesn’t make me like her any more. Now I resent the fact that she is still alive when she never existed in the books.

I feel like killing Nick is a slap in the face to every single reader who was anticipating this series. In my opinion, this would be the same as killing Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries. Or even Eric Northman on True Blood. You just don’t do it. You can’t replace him with a cheap imitation because (most) fans of the books won’t accept it. They will be thinking, “well, sure, he’s great an all…but I’d rather have Nick Armstrong back.” As an additional slap in the face, judging by the summaries of the next few episodes, Nick’s brother is going to become interested in Cassie and make both Adam and Faye jealous. I don’t understand why it became essential to kill off Nick, and then bring in a non-book character in order to fulfill the Nick role. I am almost glad my beloved Henderson twins didn’t make the cut, because surely one or both of them would have died before long, too, just because they aren’t required to have eye-sex with Cassie almost every episode like Adam has to. Because, despite the fact he and Cassie are soul mates, Adam's love of a girl who is NOT his girl friend is totally a trait I find attractive in a guy. (not)

I really wanted to write a totally scathing letter with a cuss word every other word, but I couldn’t bring myself to it. I am above it, but I cannot let my unhappiness go unheard. If you were going for tears with that episode, writers and producers, you didn’t get them. Instead I sat there physically shaking with fury. I was quite literally livid by the time the credits rolled. I honestly do not know if I can even bring myself to continue watching the show because I am that upset. I hope killing him off was worth it, because I am sure there are several other very unhappy fans of the books right now. I wish you the best with the run of the show, but I don’t know if I can enjoy it any longer.

Thanks for ruining my enjoyment of the show within the first few episodes.



P.S. Please do not EVER try to adapt The Forbidden Game, Dark Visions, or Night World. Just leave them alone. Thanks.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Corrected Reseph Wallpaper, with FS version, and updated cover art.

The Reseph art I did the other night was started at about one AM, finished around four AM. It was dark and cloudy all day yesterday, so when the sunlight hit it today, as I have it making my computer all pretty, I noticed there was a small sliver of the original background clinging to his shoulder like an annoying little leech. I have fixed it, aslo managed to get the glow around the side of his head lessened too from where I lightened his hair. So here is the new one, with a full screen version for those who don't have a wide monitor yet (or want it for your phone wallpaper mwa ha ha) Sorry about that! I blame four AM everything-looks-awesome-with-these-eyes-in-the-dark-itis.

also, the cover art on both pages are being updated as I hit publish, so by the time you see will probably be done. LOL ;)
Monday, September 26, 2011

I think I have developed a "type"

Wow, it has been about a month since I updated this blog. LOL I am so bad at this. But anywho..

I have come to the conclusion that I have developed a type in reference to my literary boyfriends. Which are many. I live vicariously through my literary love interests. And though I haven't crossed the line of using white out and a pen to change the heroines' names to VICTORIA just day....I can feel it. hahaha

Spoilers Ahoy, maties!

We all know how much I LOVE my V'luce. (V'lane aka Cruce. Ergo: V'luce) Love him. I love him so much that Karen Marie Moning has even signed several books (and my V'lane poster) with "V'lane is MINE!" to remind me. The only character I think I have been THAT obsessed with before is Julian from L.J. Smith's The Forbidden Game. Who is also the antagonist in that series, but I LOOOOOOOOOOVE Julian. I would say I haven't cried so much in my life in regards to the way TFG ended with Julian, but didn't see or hear me when I finished Shadowfever. It was not cute, people. I had a stuffy nose for nearly a whole day after all those tears.

But then I started to think about it. My favorite characters are usually the hot blonds (sometimes even if they are jackasses), the vikings...unless they are too outrageously evil (the movie Pathfinder, though Ghost, the protag was originally a viking. Karl Urban. YUM), or secondary characters. I love secondary characters. Since a young age, watching She-Ra, my favorite character was her friend Frosta. Not a dude, no...but she was macking on He-Man...who was blond. I wanted to BE her.

So to get back on point...lately I have notices a trend of my favorite characters being evilish. Sure some are destined for redemption, others doomed to pay for their transgressions and others so ambiguous that you just don't know if they will ever get free of their icy prison. And it isn't just in books!

Exhibit bad bad bad boy loves

1. Julian - The Forbidden Game. (LJ Smith) So in love with a human mortal he can't have, he tricks her and her friends into playing a game with him to try to win her for himself.

2. V'lane/Cruce. The Fever Series. (Karen Marie Moning) Marry me. Seriously. Break free of your prison, come out of the book, I will be your princess! Screw Mac!!!!! ( in get over her, don't literally do that since you are in trouble for literally do that anyway) ;)

3. Lothaire. Immortals After Dark (Kresley Cole). I knew from the first book I wanted to lick that blond, sexy vampire. The Enemy of Old gets his own book, and breaks the savvy title trend by having a book named for him alone. I need that book. You don't even know....

4. Reseph. Lords of Deliverance. (Larissa Ione). My newest obsession. He is SO EVIL right now. So evil!!!!! I don't know if it is because I just know he's going to have his own book which makes me justify it, or if I was seduced by the blond hair and blue eyes (I am easy that way. I try to deny it, but alas...) I don't know. Only one book into the series and I am already making 3 AM wallpapers after finding a blond knight on fotolia when downloading some images for cover art. (click below to get the full size wallpaper, I even left room on the side for icons. Because I am OCD about not having them cover the actual image...I'm so weird.)

edit: had to fix a glitch on the wallpaper. New one has been added here and the post for 9/27/11

4. Jareth. Labyrinth (movie). very similar to the Forbidden Game in storyline, Jareth falls for a mortal and tries to make her win her own freedom. David Bowie never looked so good. Though I do get highly amused by the crotch shots in that movie.

5. Erik, the Phantom. Phantom of the Opera (Gaston Leroux/Susan Kay/Andrew Lloyd Webber) While he's not sexy...unless he's played by Gerard Butler....I LOVE him. He's crazy, he's murderous...but he just wants to be love. He's so well characterized you can't help but feel sympathy for him. The novel Phantom by Susan Kay tells his life story from birth till death. One of the BEST. BOOKS. EVER. WRITTEN. You will cry the entire way through. And if you don't cry in several parts of that book, you are not human. It's that simple. LOL

6.Stephen Bonnet. Outlander. (Diana Gabaldon). I am probably the ONLY fan of Stephen Bonnet. it's not that he's blond, though that may have helped him a bit. He's a HORRIBLE person and totally deserved his death. However, he is such a three dimensional character that I still mourn the loss of him in the books. Despite it all, he did give Briana the gemstone at the end of Drums when he thought she was carrying his baby (I am a bit fuzzy on events forgive me, it has been a while), and he had a hard life. When he dies the in the ONE way that terrifies him, I cried for him.

7. Damon Salvatore. The Vampire Diaries (LJ Smith/ TV) He's so unpredictable. While I love all of LJ Smith's early novels (not a fan of her Return trilogy), The Vampire Diaries had a lot of unlikable characters in it. Elena was such a snooty bitch, so it was really hard to relate to her or like her. You would think someone that could be evil one second, and calm and civil the next, like Damon, wouldn't be so likable. I retain that those books wouldn't have been interesting at all without him. Even on the show he's a villain one minute, and the antihero the next.

8. Eric Northman. Sookie Stackhouse novels/True Blood. (Charlaine Harris/TV) He starts off antagonistic in the books and becomes the leading man in the last half. The show likes to keep him the antagonist...and I am not even going to go there because it will result in calling Alan Ball a lot of un-nice names.

9. Sam Winchester. Supernatural (TV). usually my fave on the shows I watch would be more like Dean; however, I have been team Sam since the beginning. That was before I realized he was going to be evilish every other season or what not. *sigh* And now my other fave, Castiel, has gone evil too. What is with me!

10. Spike. Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel. (tv). I found Angel boring, overly dramatic and, while hot, brought the tone of the show down to sad most of the got better on his own show, though not by a lot. Spike, on the otherhand, was FUN. Hilarious, hot, and a scene stealer. And strangely, Evil Spike is still my favorite. He hit a patch of Angel-like seriousiness that while I enjoyed him being redeemed, just wasn't as fun as when he was evil.

So, in short, I apparently like the Bad in my Bad Boys more than I thought. And here endeth my random mumblings.
Sunday, August 28, 2011

Bored on Sunday? Write an Essay!

So after a releated conversation on facebook, without anything better to do with my Sunday afternoon I found myself five pages deep in Cruce. Not that I mind, I do loooooove him. But LOL I guess I am NEVER going to be done coming to his defense. MAJOR Fever series spoilers ahead if you found this on accident. I call this essay:

The Brilliance of Cruce:
He Would Have Gotten Away With It If Not For That Meddling MacKayla.

Rarely does an antagonist really make you think twice about all that he has done. Sure, it has happened in other stories, but in reference to Cruce of Karen Marie Moning’s Fever series, there is a gray area of ambiguity that remains in his wake. This area can be taken either way in many instances, and most readers believe the rapes of Aoibheal and MacKayla Lane leave Cruce a closed case that can never find redemption. To some extent I agree; rape is NEVER justified and is a terrible act of selfishness and violence. However, the point of this article is not to focus on the mechanics, motivations, or morality of the rapes, but to analyze the character of Cruce and expose him for who and what he is. As far as redemption goes, Cruce may be able to achieve it, but he is really going to have to work for it.

There is no denying, at the end of Shadowfever, that Cruce is an antithesis of himself: he is revealed to be both incredibly brilliant, but hovering on the cusp of complete insanity. He makes it to his end game, absorbs the Sinsar Dubh and is just moments away of completing all he set out to do a million or so years before. But because he could never drink from the Cauldron of forgetting to escape the threat of insanity, his final moments reveal him not so much as the glorious Unseelie prince who defies everyone to free a wrongly imprisoned race of beings and escapes prosecution for merely existing, but as a mad man who seeks complete and utter control as well as the destruction of anyone who stands in his path.

In a way, Cruce could be a heroic character if certain situations could have been avoided. There is an obvious undertone of the civil rights movement in the series. The Dark Fae were killed and imprisoned for merely being different than the Light Fae, for instance. But freeing the Unseelie was only half of what Cruce is after, he also wants ALL the Fae to be free of the Compact made with the human race, which would, in turn, make the human race victims to the Fae and making the hero of an act of prejudice the dictator in another one. However, as the books go on, his views on humans begin to change. He even works with them closely to keep them safe, fights alongside the protagonists, and is quite infatuated with one human in particular. There is a lot of hope for him to change his views, until the end of Shadowfever.

Though the change is sudden, his whole personality shifts when he drops the V’lane glamour and fully becomes Cruce. Even his dialogue changes from the arrogant, flowy, long sentences used as V’lane to shorter, choppier sentences that are blunt and to the point. For example, the first time we meet V’lane in Darkfever, this is what he says:

“'It is nothing I do, sidhe-seer,’ it said. ‘It is what I am. I am every erotic dream you’ve ever had and a thousand more you’ve never thought of. I am sex that will turn you inside out and burn you down to ashes.’ It smiled. ‘And if I choose, I can make you whole again.” (Darkfever, 154)
He's very articulate and chooses his worrds in order to assure the best impact. That being said, this is  the kind of dialogue we get after he drops the V'lane glamour:
“‘They would have killed you. They had never had a human woman. Darroc underestimated their ardor.’” (Shadowfever, 571)
The sentences are very straightforward and defensive. The short, simplistic sentences continue on as Mac pushes to find out why he would take part in the rape at the end of Faefever.

“‘I desired you. You refused me. I wearied of your protests. You wanted me. You thought about it. You were not even there. What difference?’” (Shadowfever, 571)
Again, there is little feeling involved in what Cruce has to say. He appears to not be concerned about how Mac may feel about what he is saying. He is not even giving her the curtesy of putting thought into what he is saying. He says it point blank, knowing all the while it hurts Mac to hear it. Like a machine gun shooting several bullets per second, the short sentences are driven home in a rat, tat, tat, tat quick fashion.

While the whole scene reads out as though, in the presence of the Unseelie King, Cruce is a disobedient child who is merely acting out because daddy just showed up to take the T-bird away, there is more to it. The father-child issue is too obvious and Cruce allows it to be in the forefront to divert the attention away from what lies underneath it. The main reason why he goes from the character we think we know to an almost unrecognizable one in the blink of an eye is summed up into two words: MacKayla Lane.

Cruce has the series of events all set up from the very beginning. He takes over V’lane’s persona and establishes Aoibheal as, first, his concubine, then a Fae princess, then as the Queen. By his own admission, “‘I encouraged where encouragement was useful’” (Shadowfever, 570) He molds Darroc into the perfect scapegoat and diversionary tactic. Cruce ensures that while everyone is watching the Lord Master free the Unseelie, tear the walls down, and hunt the Sinsar Dubh, he can place himself on the chess board and continue moving the pawns around unnoticed. However, he does not consider the fact he would develop feelings for one of the chess pieces on his game board. Inevitably, his feelings for Mac both save and destroy him.

Over the course of the series, as V’lane, he begins to soften towards Mac and form and unlikely “friendship” with the human. He desires her, but he even somewhat respects her wishes and “mutes” his Death-By-Sex mojo on her in order to make her feel more comfortable in his presence. At the same time, while Mac never fully trusts V’lane, she considers him an ally. On several occasions, Mac is even glad to see him; will smile at his appearance or run to greet him. What makes the situation so tragic when she runs to greet the false “V’lane” at the end of Faefever is that instead of saving her from his brethren, Cruce betrays her by participating in the act as well.

His participation is purely selfish. He shows up in the middle of the act, after Mac already begins to turn Pri-ya. His participation in this scene does benefit her in the end, though, and that is because he gives her the elixir that makes her just Fae enough to survive what is being done to her. Does it justify the act? No. But, as a result, Cruce’s elixir saves her life several other times in the series and allows her to be able to live forever alongside Jericho Barrons.

Cruce’s presence is contrasting to the other three princes for several reasons. One being that he is gentle where the others have not had sex for over a million years. Mac states he is the most terrifying of all because of his gentle caresses, but also because she cannot see who it is. Since Mac’s mind was already mostly gone at this point, her fear is moist likely due to the fact that instinctively she knows the person being gentle with her is more than likely someone she knows, and that is why they remain hidden. It is important that Cruce used his true form in this scene; he does not rape Mac in the form of V’lane. V’lane is the handsome, golden prince who lives to obey the command of his queen, or Mac. Cruce answers to nobody, and nothing is going to keep him from what he wants. He takes Mac as himself, but remains hidden still. Not only because no one is aware Cruce is still alive, but because he is not ready for Mac to know him as Cruce despite of what he is doing to her.

The most ambiguous of his actions is in what he plans to do with Mac after the rape has ended. He hovers around as though he is going to allow Darroc to use her in the Pri-ya state to track the book. Yet, he allows Dani to take Mac away when, if he is the shadowy figure that was able to get in her way as it appears he is. He allows Mac’s ally to take her rather than her enemy, all the while he cannot act himself without showing his hand and revealing himself as Cruce. He is furious when the wards keeping Unseelie out of the abbey go down and Jericho Barrons has already taken Mac away. Not only was he willing to be the one to “save” Mac, but he also lost out on a chance to track with Mac’s complete obedience to only him. Because he cared enough to let Dani have Mac rather than Darroc, he made path to the end game more difficult.

When he finally sees Mac again, he apologizes for the sake of his brethren:

“’A thousand apologies could not atone for the harm my brethren were permitted to inflict upon you. It sickens me that you were—‘He broke off, bowing his head even more deeply, as if he couldn’t bring himself to go on.” (Dreamfever, 67).
His head is bowed, he is avoiding all eye contact, and he is not only apologizing for the other princes but for himself. He cannot bring himself to say what it was that happened to her. Not sure if one could go as far to say this is his showing shame for what he did, so much as knowing he took part in hurting her, not being able to admit he took part in it, and knowing humans have a tendency for forgiving over time. Maybe he hoped this would help her, but the fact he bowed at all in her presence showed some respect is there, despite everything that has happened prior to this scene. And is one of many instances that show Cruce cares about what Mac thinks of him.

The moment in which this is really driven home is when Cruce is about to drop his V’lane glamour for good:

“’Still you wear V’lane’s face. What do you fear?’ the king said.

‘I fear nothing.’ But his gaze lingered on me a long moment. ‘I fight for my race, MacKayla. I have since I was born. He would conceal us in shame and condemn us to a half life. Remember that. There are reasons for all I have done.’” (Shadowfever, 570)
Even here, his dialogue begins to get choppy and defensive as the switch is about to occur. After this moment, his attitude makes him uncaring about what he has done or is willing to do. However, his in this instance it is almost as though he is pleading with Mac to remember that he did everything for a reason. He takes a long glance at her, as though remembering her at this moment, before she can grow to truly hate him. At this point she is afraid of him and confused by the turn of events, but it is not until he becomes Cruce that she truly begins to hate him. He is almost begging her to keep what he is saying in this scene in mind as the next one begins to unfold.

In order to make my next point, we must look at how Cruce’s hate for the Unseelie King stems from both the neglect of the king’s full attention or concern and a lack of an understanding of emotions. Because of the Unseelie King’s love of the concubine, Aoibheal, the king does not devote himself to the Unseelie he created and does not really concern himself with what happens to them. Because Cruce does not understand why the king loves this mortal woman more than his own children, the anger continues to build up until, when sentenced to death for merely existing, it overcomes Cruce so completely that it becomes his life’s mission to free his brethren and take his father’s crown; to start over with the Unseelie with a different approach. Cruce believes that by loving a mortal and having no concern for the Fae makes the Unseelie King weak and undeserving of the power he wields. After taking the concubine away from the king and utilizing her as a pawn in Seelie affairs, he becomes comfortable in the V’lane glamour he set in place. He lives the lives of two beings. He is Cruce, calculating, efficient, and struggling to not become a victim of circumstance like the rest of the Unseelie. But he is also V’lane, seemingly loyal to his race, a leader and ,unlike his Unseelie brothers, free.

When he meets Mac and begins to get to know her, he begins to understand what the Unseelie King felt for the concubine. Following in similar footsteps, he alters Mac to where she cannot die, not just because she is useful but because he cares for her. Afterwards, when it results in her becoming stronger and able to see him in his truest form, he begins hoping to take her to be his princess, telling her “’You are queenly in your own right” (Dreamfever, 69). As he hopes to become the future king of the Fae, she would become his queen. Which makes the dual meaning of the following exchange really interesting:

“’Maybe the fourth was you, V’lane. How do I know it wasn’t?’

My skin frosted. When I shivered, crystals of ice fell in a small snowstorm to the sidewalk. ‘I was with my queen.’” (Dreamfever, 73).
To an extent, he was. He was with the woman he would have as his queen during that scene. And when previously she comments that between the queen and herself, she was the expendable one to him, it can be regarded as though he meant the Mac that existed then was expendable in order to find the book. While Jericho Barrons believes the elixir was given to Mac to keep her Pri-ya forever, it does not make a lot of sense to believe Cruce would not have cured her of being Pri-ya after having the book in his possession; he was too proud of her ability to view a Fae in its true form to be satisfied with an empty shell for his queen.

As Cruce began to disregard using Mac for the Sinsar Dubh and planning to keep her for his own, it becomes apparent that his downfall is that he cared for Mac too much. His V’lane glamour allowed him the freedom to care for her. But as Cruce, caring for her would make him weak. One of the themes in the Fever series, especially in Shadowfever, is duality. And Cruce versus V’lane is one of the major examples of duality at work in the series. For example, he even refers to himself as separate entities after it becomes clear he is one and the same:

“’I wanted you to accept me as I was, but—how is it you say?—my reputation preceded me. Others filled your head with lies about Cruce, I endeavored to correct them, open your eyes.’” (Shadowfever, 569)
As long as he is in V’lane’s form, he cannot fully accept himself as Cruce. Whether it is denying his presence in the rape, keeping his existence secret or even making a simple statement about himself, there is definitely a rift between both personalities. Maybe it is because he hasn’t drunk from the Cauldron and is becoming unhinged, or maybe it is because V’lane has become a shield for Cruce. He can do anything in the name of his cause and fall back on the fact that, as V’lane, he has never done those things since V’lane lives to serve Aoibheal. He’s lived a life behind a mask, and now that it is time to take the mask off, what lies underneath may not be overly recognizable to even himself.

To elaborate, the personality shift from V’lane to Cruce can be closely connected to his feelings for Mac. He tells her all he has done is for a reason, then he changes form and does not sugar coat anything else he says. Whereas, as V’lane, he wanted her to want him as he is, as Cruce he seems to want her to hate him. He cannot admit to himself or the Unseelie King he has feelings for a human when he is telling the king he did what he did because the king loved the concubine. He has ultimately trapped himself with a double standard. Had he not cared for Mac, he could have made her Pri-ya at any time and used her to get the book as he ultimately set out to do in Darkfever when he offered her his cuff after trying to seduce her and learning she had a stronger will than he expected.

Cruce would have found a way to get the Sinsar Dubh eventually, but because he develops feelings for Mac, he is trapped within himself. Taking away the freedom the V’lane glamour allowed Cruce forces him into the corner he created for himself by believing that feelings made one too weak to be the king of the Fae. While Cruce may not have been locked away in the Unseelie Prison, he was still a prisoner of his own design. First, he was locked away in the form of a Seelie Prince to keep his existence unknown, and afterwards it becomes represented by the fact that he is now frozen in all his glory beneath the abbey. Should he ever be let out, he will not truly be free until he can stop living for a cause and start living for himself.